Catastrophe Angel

It's All Fake

2004-10-19T13:19:39Z

Smiles, laughter
It's all fake
You can't see
Anything true
Nothing good is real
Nothing good you can feel

There are lies
Hidden in your best friend's eyes
And they scream
Pay more attention to me
I am lost
Blending in with the molding moss
Rescue him
Don't leave him hanging alone

Tears and pain
The real truth
Subtle hate
No such love
Listen to the breathing
Can't you hear the screaming

There are lies
Hidden in your best friend's eyes
And they scream
"Pay more attention to me
I am lost
Blending in with the molding moss"
Rescue him
Don't leave him hanging alone

10-12-2004

Heavy Load

2004-10-12T03:40:54Z

I thought it was over
I was down and out
You brought me back to the game
Reminded me what it's about

You've held my hand
You've never let me down
You're so silently strong
And yet your strength is loud

There's no pressure for you to stay
But I might die if you go
I love you so much
But you'll never know
How much you are a part of me
How much you are a star to me
But I know I'm a heavy load

I've put you on this pedestal
Though I know you're afraid of heights
But it's only fair to let the world
How you burn so bright

There's no pressure for you to stay
But I might die if you go
I love you so much
But you'll never know
How much you are a part of me
How much you are a star to me
But I know I'm a heavy load

Ahead of us
There's a long road
And I know
I'm a heavy load
I will quit
Clinging to you
Because that's
All I ever do
You never needed me
Like I needed you

There's no pressure for you to stay
But I might die if you go
I love you so much
But you'll never know
How much you are a part of me
How much you are a star to me
But I know I'm a heavy load

Just do it

2004-10-12T02:58:29Z

Just put it in your mouth and swallow.
Really, just do what I say
You'll like it, I promise
See watch, I'll do it
I like it, why not?
You're such a wimp
Just do it
Get it over with
It doesn't taste that bad
Seriously, this is ridiculous
It's only a piece of meat

I don't have time for this

2004-10-12T02:38:02Z

Keep smiling
Don't look down
Chin up
Hold hands
Believe in yourself
Study hard
Breathe deeply
Straighten your legs
Point your toes
Shut up
Don't touch
Break a leg
Speak slowly
Tell the truth
Don't fall
Look both ways
Live long

For an Angel in Need of Cheer

2004-09-15T00:59:55Z

Thank you, my friend
For being here,
Next to me when it counts
It means so much
You don't even know

You're the only one
I trust to be totally honest
To give me a straight answer
You've never steered me
In the wrong direction

We keep our distance
To avoid hurting each other
And I love you
For being one of my best friends
Through it all

So thank you for everything
Every smile, every laugh
Every word of truth
Thank you for every piece of advice
You mean so much to me

Hold Tight

2004-09-15T00:48:39Z

My life
My love
My true serenity
Everything in the world
It all revolves around me

Don't think
Don't breathe
Don't anything
I don't want you to
I hold the authority

Just live
And learn
And make the most
Of what this world has to offer

Which is nothing at all

What More Can I Give You?

2004-09-15T00:47:36Z

Where do you come off
Telling me that I don’t want
To be in your arms
To be a part of your life
How do you have the gall
To tell me that I make you unhappy
What do you want from me?
I gave you my heart,
You pushed it away
What more do you want?
You know I’d do anything
To make you smile my way
Anything,
Anything at all
You can’t have it all

It could happen

2004-08-02T04:31:25Z

Look across the room at me.
Tell me there's nothing
Tell me we can't have anything
Assure me that you don't care
(I won't believe it)

You've touched my life
You saved my sanity
Now we have nothing
How is that possible?
Is that possible

I watch every move you make
In hopes that you will change
But you mind is set against me
Your will can break my heart
(And you know it)

You've touched my life
You saved my sanity
Now we have nothing
How is that possible?
Is that possible

Reach out and catch me
I'm falling
Falling into your arms

Look deep into my eyes,
Tell me that I'm your everything
Tell me that we can do anything
Assure me that your mine

You've touched my life
You saved my sanity
Now we have nothing
How is that possible?
Is that possible
What is possible, anymore?

Nature

2004-07-27T16:11:48Z

my mind wanders aimlessly
my body follows the wind
on no specific path
I find myself alone
with nature, no one else
the calm of the clouds
surround me, cover me
the serenity of the morning
breathes life into my smile
every turn, somethimg new
so simple, so charming
so necessary to live
to stop, look around
to appreciate being

Unspoken Friendship

2004-07-27T16:10:54Z

A hint of a smile
A wrinkle in the corner of an eye
A raise of an eyebrow
The rise of the cheeks
A crinkle of the forhead
The deepening of dimples
The tilt of a head

Signs of unwritten agreement
Indications of unaknowledged happiness
Evidence of unspoken friendship

Imperfection

2004-07-27T16:09:41Z

How could I even begin
To imagine that I could please you
I can't even please myself
Maybe that's not true

I only want to make you smile
To stand apart from the crowd
I want to prove I'm worthwhile
I only want to make you proud

All my life I've lived in the shadows
Of your tainted memories
Under the weight of expected perfection
That I would never be

I only want to make you smile
To stand apart from the crowd
I want to prove I'm worthwhile
I only want to make you proud

I've tried everything
To make you proud of me
All I wanted was your approval
All I wanted was for you to see

I want to make you smile
To stand apart from the crowd
I want to prove I'm worthwhile
I only want to make you proud

of me

Watch Me Sleep

2004-07-27T16:09:05Z

Lay down next to me
Hold me close
Kiss me good night
Caress my cheek
Gaze into my eyes
Cuddle
Keep me warm
Listen to me breathe
Watch me sleep

Questions about love

2004-07-24T02:51:40Z

What is love?
Do I know it well enough
To fall in love again?
Do I trust myself enough
To fall in love again?
Do I already love you?
Or do I just want to love you?
Want to love someone?
Can I hold you?
Will you hold me?
Won't you let me help you?
Don't you see that your
Pain affects me as well?
Could you ever love me?
Am I thinking way too far ahead?
Will you please just smile?
For my sake? Please?

One of these days

2004-07-24T02:45:46Z

One of these days I'll realize
Just how much you mean to me
Then I'll understand why I
Was better off not knowing

One of these days I'll realize
How much indifference can really hurt
The price paid for freedom
Worth every moment of pain

One of these days I'll realize
That I spent too much time
Thinking about what will happen
And not enjoying the moment we're having

Missed Chance

2004-07-24T02:44:34Z

I get lost in your eyes
Caught up in your glance
You don't even really see me
And now my chance has passed

How easy it would be
For me to fall for you
But I can't let myself get close
I have too much to lose

If only you couldn't see right through me,
And if only you couldn't predict my every move
Maybe then I would feel comfortable
Entrusting my heart to you

So for now, I'll keep my distance
My willpower must remain strong
But I hope you know I'm waiting
Because one day, I'll be gone

Are you worth it?

2004-07-22T08:08:16Z

Don't cry, I say
Through my own tears
She's not worth it
But are you?
I hope so because if not
Why am I wasting my time
I feel so alone, even when
You are here, you're not
You're somewhere else
Reliving memories with her
I wish you would hold me
Like you wish you could hold her
Your arms around me so tight
My cheek resting on your chest
My world lost in my comfort
But I can't have any of it
You're so wrapped up in her life
You're not living your own
So, again, why waste my time?
Are you worth it? Really?
I hope so.
Don't waste my time.

Roll with It

2004-06-30T14:54:08Z

You are beautiful, inside and out
I can tell you anything
Roll with it.

I'm not over her, give me time
I don't want to talk
Roll with it.

You're needy, why do you do this
I don't want to hurt you
Roll with it.

Why do you look at me? What are you thinking?
Tell me the whole truth
Roll with it.

You've been my best friend, thanks for listening
I'm still unhappy
Roll with it.

"A faithless son is his father's ruin"

2004-06-28T22:15:46Z

No matter how "sucessful" a man may seem on the surface, his true accomplishments lie within the circumstances of his family: his wife an, if the dates match, his children.

When a man dies, all his assets are "given" away, be it to heirs or to charity. These assets then become the possessions of the beneficiary, to be passed down through death or celebration for years, and eventually, the origins will be forgotten. So assuming the man has no great revolutions in his life (see: Albert Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Thoreau's Civil Disobedience, and Euclid's geometry) what purpose did he serve? How did he make a difference in the world?

The difference he made hides in his offspring, the morals and life lessons he installed on them in their early childhoods. It is said that the parent on becomes fully reflects the parents one had. Morals and values are passed down from generation to generation, changing a little with each turnover, but the general ideas remain in the family.

However, if the offspring somehow breaks the tradition of passing down ethical regulations, all of that man's being is lost. A hundred years after the father's passing, nothing will remain of his life.

A faithless son is his father's ruin.

Happens Every Time

2004-06-28T22:02:53Z

Pay attention to me
You didn't hear what I said
You look like you're listening
But your mind is elsewhere
On her. Again.

You no longer see me
My opinions and feelings no longer count
I am too good a friend
Somewhere between a lover and a friend
I'm too biased

Smile, really smile
All I want is for you to look at me
And to think of nothing but me
I want to feel like a princess
You can't. I'm not.

Killing My Senses

2004-06-28T19:22:31Z

The same skyline expanding forever
Bleak as an empty, off-toned canvas
A dizzying portrait of my soul
No color, just me
Stripped

The monotonous ticking of a pocket watch
Repetitive, every half-second noise
The nervous tick of my daily routine
My whole life,
On strings

The stale scent of sweat
A result of hard work or sexual pleasure
The extremes of this world.
hey have one result
It's unpleasant

The disconcerting texture of my own skin
Te odd combination of feeling itself
A confusing bunde of mixed emotions
My heart for all to see
Vulnerable

No More

2004-06-28T19:15:32Z

One day, Sometime.
I will split in two
One will die, one will live
either way, I won't care
I'm finished with this
I can't help you anymore
You don't appreciate me
You think you don't need me
Just wait until I'm not here
Until I snap
Then what will you do?
Go on? I doubt it.
Come crawling back?
I don't want you
I want nothing to do with you.
Stay away.

somewhere

2004-03-12T03:39:52Z

somewhere in the distance I can see myself.
I hold on to that vision because maybe it will lead me somewhere else
somewhere I can be alive enough to sit and learn
somewhere where a certain someone can hold my hand.

who is that certain someone?
that person who can calm my nerves at the worst of moments
who can give me that breath of fresh air
that person can give me that something I need to go on.

I need something but I know not what it is
It will give me the power to hold my breath
to smile at nothing and cry at will
that something will be my key to life

some time eventually I will know
what it is, who it is, where it is.
but until then, like always, I will just settle for what I have
a vision in the distance where I will be eventually

A Palandrome of Syllables

2003-09-16T04:23:50Z

Hit the lights
Don't say a word
I don't want to hear
Anything but you breath
Until the sun floods the room
Hold me tightly; kiss me gently
But don't say anything, not for now
I want you here beside me for always
Just hold me close like this forever
Don't let the night end, don't leave me
Every breath envelopes me
Every move keeps me rapt
All my attention
Belongs to you
For always

Catastrophe Angel

2003-08-14T04:02:26Z

I am a catastrophe
I've learned it all by myself
I'm a big girl now
I don't need to hold your hand
I'm on my own

It's good to make mistakes
Sometimes I do it on purpose
not to make you angry
but to see the results
I'm only curious

I've grown up
I'm a mess
Someone spun me around in circles
and now I don't know where to turn
please take this blindfold off

I'm miss the simplicity
of being a little girl
Nothing is where it should be
Especially me
Get me out of here

I've never been a quitter

2003-03-21T02:14:22Z

I don't want to grow up
Please don't force it upon me
I want everything to be as simple
As it was years ago
Let me stay this old forever
I'm afraid of my own results
Just let me be who I am right now
I don't need change
Anymore than I need toothache
If I have to go any further than this
I'm just going to give up
That's right I'll quit
I've never been a quitter
Please
Don't make me start now